The Road to Recovery
by Leni-H50
Summary: Catherine's desperate need for information regarding Steve's injuries leads to a long overdue conversation.
1. Chapter 1

The clock read 3am as Kono found herself wide awake. She was physically and mentally exhausted and could not understand why she couldn't fall asleep. She tossed and turned in her bed, fluffed her pillow, tossed her pillow, even tried punching her pillow, yet she could not get comfortable and her frustration was growing. All she could do is watch the numbers on the clock change minute to minute. The minutes felt like hours, the hours an eternity. It had been a difficult few weeks at headquarters. The workload was heavier than usual; after all, they were down two officers. Not any officers, their leaders. Sure HPD was helping and did everything they could to relieve some of the workload, but it wasn't the same. Steve and Danny were healing and doing well in their recovery, however there was still a great deal of work for her, Chin, and Lou to handle. Since the plane crash and the takedown at the airport, the drug cartels were having turf wars and Five-0 was tasked to bring them down. This was a stressful time for all of them. On top of it all, the more the Yakuza was torn apart, the more she worried about Adam's safety. Adam would never be completely safe until he was out of prison and even then it was not a given. Chin's encounter with Michelle Shioma's thugs and him being shot had frightened her; Steve almost dying had terrified her. Needless to say, she had a great deal on her mind.

" _Why are we doing this?"_ She thought to herself. _"Is it all worth it?"_ She tossed and turned as she pondered her decision to join the task force in the first place.

Kono was suddenly startled by a knock at her door. She looked at the clock. Noting the time, she reached for her gun and cautiously approached.

" _Nothing good happens at 5am"_ she thought to herself as she cautiously raised her gun.

The knocking had increased and the pounding was louder. Looking through the peephole, she couldn't believe who was standing on the other side.

Kono swung the door open. "Catherine" she exclaimed as she stepped aside to let her rush past her

"Kono, I'm sorry, I know it's early. I hope I didn't wake you. I didn't know where to go. Is it true? About Steve, I mean. Is he ok?" She was uncharacteristically distraught and the words spilled from her mouth.

Kono gently grabbed her shoulders and guided her to the nearest chair. "Sit down, take a breath, he's fine ".

"Is it true? Was he really in a plane crash? Is it true he almost died? Kono what happened?" Catherine's voice was raised and her hands were trembling.

"I promise you he is doing fine" Kono's tone was adamant and for the first time since Catherine heard the news, she was able to breath freely.

"Please Kono, tell me everything. Is he really going to be ok? What was he doing going undercover? Everyone on this island knows them. That was stupid. He and Danny should have known better!"

"Listen, Catherine, It's a long story. I promise you he is okay. I wouldn't lie to you about that. I'll explain everything"

Catherine nodded and with a sigh slumped deeper in the chair.

Kono paced for a few seconds trying to figure out where to begin "Let me make some coffee while you go freshen up. You must be exhausted." Kono understood more than anyone what she must have been going through, not knowing if the man she loved was safe.

"I could use a shower and some fresh clothes" She rubbed her eyes and pushed her hair away from her face "Coffee sounds great about now too"

"Good. You know where everything is, so help yourself to whatever you need and I'll make some coffee"

A few moments later, Catherine emerged from Kono's bedroom, freshly showered and wearing a fresh change of clothes. Drying her hair with a towel, she sat at the kitchen table and took a sip of the freshly brewed coffee. "That felt so good. Thank you. I needed that more than I realized"

Kono grabbed a cup and sat across from her. "Ok, you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be" Catherine replied. She was anxious to hear what really happened and not the watered down version the press had released.

Kono took another sip of the coffee and began to review the events of the past few weeks, starting with Steve's surgery and working her way back to Gabriel and the Meth epidemic.

Catherine quietly listened and took in all the information.

"… and here we are" Kono got up from the table and placed her empty cup in the sink.

"Gabriel's dead and he had a daughter? Wow." Catherine was trying to process everything that had happened

"Yeh, Chin is thinking of adopting her" Kono responded with a smile

"He would make such a wonderful father" Catherine smiled for the first time since she had arrived.

"He would" Kono confirmed

"I should have been here" Catherine whispered as her expression grew serious

"You are here now, that's all that matters" Kono was quick to reassure her. "You should go see him"

"I don't know Kono, he's angry with me and I don't want to do anything that's going to cause a setback in his recovery. I just needed to hear that he was ok. I needed to hear it from someone that was going to be honest with me" tears filled her eyes.

Kono released a sigh. "Catherine, physically he's healing remarkably, he's doing everything the doctors want him to do. He's good…"

"but?" Catherine interrupted.

"But, he's not doing so great emotionally. That sparkle Steve always had in his eyes is gone. He thinks we don't see it. He thinks he's fooling everyone, but he's not. McGarrett is there, but Steve isn't. You know what I mean?" she questioned whether her point was coming across.

Catherine nodded in agreement "I know exactly what you mean. The same thing happened when he lost Freddie and his father" she lowered her head as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

"He needs to get that back and I think you are the only one who can do that" Kono reached for Catherine's hand

"He hates me Kono" She was sure

Kono nodded "No he doesn't. He loves you".

Catherine bit her lip as more tears spilled from her eyes. "He's seeing someone; He seems happy with her, I won't come in between that" her breath hitched in her throat.

Kono smiled as she knitted her eyebrows "Have you been spying on him?"

Catherine wiped the tears with the back of her hand "No! Well, maybe. Okay yes. In all fairness there are pictures all over social media."

Kono nodded "Believe me that was nothing, just a fling. Really, I promise. He never introduced her to us. He never talked about her unless it was about something stupid she did. We even made up a name for her _,_ Frosted Flake."

Catherine belted out a laugh "Frosted Flake?Because of her hair or her personality?"

"Both" Kono chuckled

"Priceless. Wait, did you guys have a name for me?" Catherine asked out of curiosity.

Kono smiled "Danny did. _Ramboette,_ because you know, Steve was _Rambo_ and you were his _Ramboette_ "

' _Ramboette_. I like that, _Ramboette_ " Catherine pondered the name.

"And we couldn't have been more dead on." She released a laugh

Catherine laughed with all her heart until her focus returned to the photos she had seen on Instagram. Her expression suddenly grew serious "she tagged every photo #TrueLove"

Kono leaned closer to her in an effort to make her understand "It was not true love by any means Catherine. The only reason he went out with her was because Ellie pushed him to. She was the complete opposite of everything that is great about you. I think he dated her because he knew he could never fall for someone like her. He was angry, he was hurt. He tried to fool himself that he was moving on, but he couldn't. His head wasn't in the game. He was worried about you. He loves you. He always has. She's been out of the picture since...for quite a while. I promise you. "

Catherine paused to absorb what Kono was saying.

She nodded in agreement "Maybe you are right. Maybe I should go see him. I need to see for myself that he's okay. I mean what is the worst thing he could do, slam the door in my face? It's worth a shot, right?" She was searching for more reassurance

"Absolutely, I don't think you will regret it" Kono was confident McGarrett would welcome her back into his life.

"Thanks Kono, I feel so much better now. I don't know what I would have done without you".

"I owe you. If it weren't for you, Adam and I wouldn't be together" Kono nodded towards the bedroom "go take a nap, you look exhausted"

"I'll take you up on that" Catherine stood and gave Kono a hug "I love you sistah"

Kono smiled, "I love you too"

TBC

** Thank you _LiasonEnchanted_ for coming up with the term Frosted Flake and for allowing me to borrow it.


	2. Chapter 2

It was late evening by the time she woke from her nap and built up the courage to go to Steve's house. She stood on the front porch debating if this was a good idea after all. Standing on that porch brought back many memories. Memories of countless greetings after long deployments. Memories of Steve waiting for her to return from work. Memories of countless goodbyes, and of that one particular goodbye. _"This isn't a good idea"_ she thought to herself. Turning to walk away, she paused _"Get it together Rollins"_ she scolded herself and immediately turned back towards the door.

Taking a deep breath she knocked.

 _Meanwhile;_

Steve stood in the kitchen staring at the colorful array of pills lined up on the counter. He sighed as one by one he popped them in his mouth and swallowed with a sip of water between each. Shaking his head in disbelief he found himself wondering how he had gotten to this point in his life. Nothing would ever be the same.

" _Get it together McGarrett"_ he hated this feeling of helplessness that consumed him since the accident. Any other time he had been injured he was able to refocus and throw himself into work. He was always able to get himself through the emotional side of recovery, but with the transplant he could do nothing but sit around and wait. It left him with entirely too much time to think about … well, everything. The team, and his friends were great, there was a constant stream of visitors to keep him occupied. But that's what they were: visitors. At the end of the day he was alone. And that one word kept running through his head, along with how things had gotten to this point, how he had drawn a line in the sand that he probably didn't mean, and how after everything, he still longed for the future he lost almost a year ago.

With a resigned sigh, he grabbed the stack of DVDs off the counter, walked into the living room and randomly selected one. He placed it in the player and just as he was about to sit, there was a knock at the door. He rounded the coffee table to go open the door.

"Hi" was all she could say as he stood in disbelief.

"Cath…what are you doing here?" He was surprised to see her.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I just…I heard about… I just needed to see you for myself" She noted his appearance. His skin was ashen, his face slightly swollen and the bags under his eyes were plump. She immediately noted the sense of sadness that radiated from him.

"It's no bother. It's so good to see you, please come in" He opened the door further and gestured for her to come in

They stood in silence for a moment after Steve closed the door.

"How are you Steve? I mean really?" Catherine's concern was genuine and was reflected by the sadness in her eyes.

"I'm fine Cath, I'm fine. It's going to take a little time to get back to normal and of course there are going to be some changes, but I'm good." The inflection of his voice sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"I'm happy to hear that Steve. If anyone can get through this, it's you" She reached out to touch his arm but he pulled away.

"So" he hesitated "how was Nepal?" Steve asked as he knitted his eyebrows

Catherine glanced down at the floor. "Yeah, about that…" She debated how to reply. She didn't want to lie to him, but she wasn't sure how much she could tell him. She had run through so many explanations in her head, but none of them had felt adequate. She was conflicted about the whole thing herself, even if she could tell him all of the classified stuff how could she make it seem right to him?

Steve interrupted "or should I ask how was Kiev?" He crossed his arms across his chest, an expectant look on his face.

"How do you know about that? That op was highly classified" She was taken by surprise.

"I can't tell you, because, well, that's classified" He tried to hide the smirk that was trying to break through.

"Of course" She nodded unsure of his reaction. _Was he angry or does he understand?_ "Listen, Steve, I'm sorry I lied to you. I wanted to tell you, but you know I couldn't."

"You hurt me, Cath. You broke my heart. You were the one person I trusted more than anyone, and you lied. Do you have any idea what it felt like when I found out what you were really doing? Do you?" he spoke in a measured tone but she could sense the anger he was feeling.

"I'm sorry" was all she could think to say

"If you had to choose all over again, would you still have left? Would you still have taken the job?" He stared directly in her eyes.

Without hesitation she replied "Yes. I would have. It was the most difficult decision of my life but it was something that I needed to do. I am so sorry that you were hurt by my decision. It came up quickly, but I immediately knew if I didn't accept the mission, I may have spent my entire life wondering what if. I may have even resented you for being the reason I didn't go. I didn't plan on coming back into your life just to leave again. I tried to talk to you, but you never made time for me"

"That was not my fault. Duclair was on the loose and Adam was in trouble, what was I supposed to do?" his tone was defensive

"Oh, I don't know, make the time, maybe run off to a deserted island together for the day?" She replied sarcastically

"That's not fair!" he shouted angrily

Startled by his reaction, she took a second to collect herself, her voice softened "I'm sorry you're right, that wasn't fair"

He paced for a second in an effort to collect himself, before turning to face her "I admit I took you for granted. You were always there for me and I assumed you always would be. I was wrong" his eyes welled

She found herself staring at the floor as she spoke. Her guilt was getting the best of her. "Leaving that day, the way I left… it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Knowing how much I was hurting you, hurting _US_ …" she pressed a hand to her mouth, recalling the pain she felt that day, wishing she could have done it differently, more truthfully. "Not being able to tell you the real reason was awful."

He could tell she meant every word but he couldn't help but wonder if she would leave again "So what now? How long before you leave again?"

"I'm not leaving. I've been assigned to the NSA field office in Honolulu. I'm staying here" She turned to face him.

His demeanor immediately changed and he smiled regardless of his attempt to hide it "Good" was all he said.

There was another moment of awkward silence.

"I should go, you probably need to get some rest" waving her hand at the couch, she turned to walk towards the door. As she placed her hand on the handle, Steve blurted out "I bought you a ring"

She froze in place.

"You bought a what?" She turned to face him

He approached, breaching the gap between them until he was inches from her. "I bought you a ring. The day you left, it was in my pocket. I was going to ask you to marry me" He never lost eye contact.

Her heart tightened and her stomach knotted. She tried to maintain her composure but it was useless, the tears had released a flood on to her face. It felt like all of the air had left the room and she needed to get outside. "I…Um. I should go" She turned and blindly reached for the door knob. She needed to get out, get away, get to a place where she could mourn the future she walked away from.

Steve reached for her arm in an effort to prevent her from leaving. "Do you really need to go? You see, Grace dropped off a bunch of movies for me and I was just about to watch one. Will you stay and watch it with me?" His eyes darkened as he squinted. He was hoping she would agree to stay. He was hoping she'd understand he needed her to stay. Hoping that she understood this was about more than watching a movie.

She wiped the tears from her face with her other hand and biting her lip she thought for a moment. With a nod she replied "I'd like that"

Never releasing his grip he gently guided her to the couch and removing her purse from her shoulder he motioned for her to take a seat. Sitting next to her he stretched his arm around her shoulders and gently nudged her closer.

Feeling relieved, she released a sigh and found herself nestling into his shoulder. She could feel a rush of emotions as she took in his scent and relaxed into the comfort of his arms. They needed to talk, really talk, at some point, but this was how they did things. The unspoken words would eventually be spoken, that was inevitable. But for now, they just needed to BE.

He leaned over and taking in the scent of her hair, he softly kissed her on the top of her head. "I love you, you know" he whispered.

She turned to catch his eyes with hers "I love you too" she smiled.

"Okay, let's do this" He reached for the remote and pressed play as they snuggled lovingly on the couch.

The End

** A very special Thank You to Kim and Deb for all your help, but especially for all the Liver laughs.


End file.
